Finding My Voice

Monday 20 February 2017

M O R N I N G  M O N D A Y !

Hey, everyone, how are you? How was your weekend? Mine was quiet but productive. I created a little 'get your shit together retreat' for myself and I have to say it's done wonders! I really felt like I needed to press the reset button, so I cleaned and tidied my flat and spent a lot of time working stuff out, and now for the first time in a while I feel like I am back on top of things.

Back on top of things, doesn't necessarily mean I have accomplished everything off my to do list. In fact while I started the weekend thinking that the aim was to finish things, I realised the real purpose of the weekend was to work out what I wanted to get started. Sure I have ongoing projects and I made progress with them over the last couple of days, but it was more about working out where those things fit into the bigger picture. What comes next? Where am I heading? Is that where I want to go?

And like with work, this also applies to my blog. So far this year, I've ditched my posting schedule and that has felt good because it means that when I'm sitting down to blog, I have the time and the want to do so. But that that hasn't fixed everything. What I have come to realise is that over the past year I have lost my writers voice. In between trying to work out what I 'should' be posting and where I wanted my blog to go, I forgot to focus on the most important thing.

I forgot to think about the words, and the intent behind them. I forgot to think about the person behind the screen and what I really want to do when I click click away on this well worn key board.

I started worrying that my blog should fit in with my career, that my blog should fit in with other peoples blogs and in doing so I forgot that neither me, or my career, have ever really fitted in.

It's true. My career is a mish mash of different projects and creative outlets, just like I've always been a mish mash of confidence and insecurity. I started focusing so much on having a niche that I forgot I hate niches!

I've never wanted a box, I've never wanted to narrow myself down into one group of people, into one career route, into one style. Not having a niche, is what made me... niche.

It's what makes all of us niche! Or I guess the more cliched word for it would be unique.

When we sit down to write we bring everything with us. We bring our history and our present to the screen, and when we're at our most natural that shows through our voice. Just like when you sit down for coffee with a friend (yes, I'm going back to this metaphor, because that's what I've always wanted this space to be) you bring your whole self with you.

I want to get back to that. To coming down to my keyboard and writing in the way I want to write, in a way that reflects what's really going on. I don't want to write about creativity on a Wednesday if what I'm really thinking about is feminism. I don't want to publish a happy list, if what is really important for me at that moment is to admit that I'm not ok. I don't want to worry that the photo at the top of a post has nothing to do with the words I'm saying, because it was always the words that mattered to me. I don't want to share for the sake of sharing. I don't want to use bullet points instead of metaphors, or affiliate lnks instead of passion.

I want what you see on this screen to be me. Sure sometimes that might be filtered and edited, because maybe something is too raw to share but it is more likely it's because I need to hear the filtered version of myself tell me something will be ok, before it really can be.

And I want that voice to be with me not only when I blog, but off screen too, because I think half the reason I've felt a little lost in life lately, is because like with my blog, I've got bogged down with all the trimmings instead of focusing on the basic essentials.

Your voice and identity are at the core of your blog, and you. They are what makes the people that love you, love you, it's what guides everything from your blog post to your career. Without it, your just floating - sure that can be nice for a while, but it can also be turbulent, and take you off course.

I'm done letting the waves do the talking, and I'm gonna let my voice do it instead.

So here's to making changes and finding your voice. Set sail sailor and remember your compass doesn't always have to point to somebody else's North x

ps. I was massively inspired by this post from Becky and this one from Rhiannon isn't it funny how the blog hive mind always seems to be in tune with one another?

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