H A P P Y M O N D A Y folks.
Do you ever look at your blog schedule and think 'I just don't fancy writing that?' That's me today and last week actually. Truth be told, to say I have a blogging schedule is probably a *bit* of an exageration, but it does exist, as neatly colour coded spreadsheet. Sometimes this is a wonderful thing. Sometimes it makes the act of getting a blog post out there much easier, because in some ways it means I don't have to think about it. Instead I'm given a title and I write. If I don't want to I don't have to get completely involved with the post, I don't have to loose myself in metaphor and tied up personal opinions, instead I just lay it out there, hit publish and feel extremely satisfied with how efficient the whole process was.
That sounds a little impersonal doesn't it? And sometimes, it's true it is impersonal, I'm sure you've felt the same. You look at an idea you were super enthused about two weeks ago but now, not so much. It doesn't mean you don't want to write the post, it just means you don't want to write it quite as much as you did when you thought of it. You're not phoning it in, but that post probably isn't going to go down as one of your all time favourites.
That I guess is the draw back of having a blog schedule when your blog is of a personal nature. A schedule doesn't always allow for life.
Today I want to write. In fact you wouldn't believe how fast the words are leaving my fingers right now. But I don't want to write just because a spreadsheet tells me to. That feels far too ordered for where my mind is at right now. My mind is scattered but in a good way. It's running over with thoughts about life and the world and what's been going on with me lately.
When you sit down for a cuppa with a friend you don't have a preset topic of conversation, it just flows, so hopefully you can think of this post a bit like that.
If you read last week's post, or follow me on social media at all, you'll know that my mental health took a bit of a dip last week. Last Monday I was visibly broken, and I genuinely thought it would take a good couple of weeks to bounce back, but I honestly couldn't feel more different today! I spent a lot of last week mentally switched off. I didn't think about any of the freelance projects I have on at the moment, I didn't make any plans, and I kept away from social media. I needed to reboot. I had thought that this weekend I'd get back on it, but instead I spent Friday night putting the world to rights with Lucy. Saturday was spent pampering myself before date night with the Young Man, and Sunday we finished Designated Survivor, had a very gentle mooch into town and ate to our hearts content. And now? Now I feel like I'm back.
Despite that minor set back, I'm still rolling on new year inspiration. I feel like this will be a year of change in my personal life and all the freelance work that has come my way recently has got me thinking about what the next step for me is. I was inspired by Sophie's Dream Big post last week, to have a think about what the BEST version of life would look like for me. I think as I've grown up a little bit over the past couple of years, I've obviously become a little less naive about working in the arts and what that could mean for me. Somewhere along the line this translated into me moving away from writing and performing and now I'm wondering if that's not a little defeatist. I think this week I'm going to spend some time mapping out what my big dream looks like. This is something I used to do all the time - and every time I refocused I got a step closer to where I want to be. I'll let you know what I come up with next week!
Blog wise, I'm very content at the moment with this little space of mine. I know that what I'm posting is the stuff I really care about - whether that's a preplanned, pre scheduled post or one like this, a bit more personal. Even though I have actually lost followers since the start of the year I feel like I'm honing in on what I want out of this space - and naturally that won't be for everyone. But like dating and friendships, not everyone is right for you - so why would blog readers be any different? I remember years and years ago I used this blog as a 'life project' to document where I was, what I wanted, and the things I was doing and trying. I want to get a little bit of that back, especially if this year is going to pan out the way I hope it will.
I think what I've already learnt this year is that going 'off schedule' can be a really good thing. I've know for a while now that there are times in life when you have to fight hook and nail to get back on track, and there are others when you just have to accept that wasn't the right track after all. This past month has fallen somewhere in the middle. I had to get off schedule to work out whether or not I wanted to head in that direction, and I do. But not at any cost, so I will fight, but instead of going in with bare fists and sheer determination, I'm going to be smarter about it, and fight with a quiet determination, that may lull the beast into thinking I've headed in a different direction only for it to find I simply took a diversion.
How are you lately? Has your 2017 got off to the start you were hoping it would, or like me did you push too hard only to end up with a flat tyre 15 minutes from home?
I'm going to stop now, because I've lost track of my own metaphors! Live life & pull over if you need to x
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