Let's Catch Up

Let's Catch Up
Let's Catch Up

Latest Adventure's

Latest Adventure's
Latest Adventures

My Work

My Work
My Work

I Didn't Get The Call...


A few months ago I wrote this post about waiting for a phone call and worrying that it was embarrassing to try and be a theatre maker again.

The overall message of that post was - no it isn't embarrassing to try, but then I didn't get the phone call, and when I applied to a similar opportunity a month or so after, I didn't get a call about that either. And while I don't feel embarrassed exactly, I do feel disheartened.

After only two applications I feel disheartened. Me. Who constantly preaches on this blog about not giving up.

I am a hypocrite.


Why I Stopped Blogging & Why I Decided To Come Back (sort of)


I haven't blogged since May. In that time a whole (mainly grey) British summer has passed, I've been on holiday and turned another year older, and not once had the urge to put pen to paper or words to screen.

A culmination of reasons have led to this radio silence. My last post was about theManchester attack, and ever since then, it's felt a little frivolous to attempt to come up with some sort of motivational message or optimistic slant on the world. Not because the optimism and positivity wasn't there - but because I felt like I'd rather be out living it and experiencing it with the people I loved. I've also felt for a while that I don't go deep enough with my posts, that I'm always scratching at the light and fluffy surface rather than really tackling the important things in life.

Another reason is that I've never been that good at blogging. Sure I can write and I can take a pretty good snap at instagram, but in terms of gaining followers, or writing snappy headlines or setting up promotional social media and all those other things that seem to define 'blogging success' - I suck at. I've known that for a LONG time, and I was happy doing my own thing but then I stopped knowing what my own thing was, and the whole thing just seemed a little pointless.

Couple that with the plague of negativity and bitchiness which seemed to have filled up my twitter feed over the summer months, and not only did my motivation go, but my want for it all went too.

What it really came down to was that I had nothing to say, and nothing to contribute to the endless chitter chatter that is the internet. And I was ok with that. I was busy, or I wasn't busy but I was happy to enjoy some peace and quiet.

And to some extent I am still ok with not really being a blogger. I don't miss it and all it seems to stand for now. But I do miss writing, and interacting with people online. I miss sharing those more long-winded obscure thoughts, that aren't really appropriate to whack in a whatsapp group chat. I miss going home to a quiet and empty flat and using my evening to order my mind, viscously tap away at a keyboard, and then find a pretty but totally unrelated picture to go with it.

I'm not sure if coming back and doing those things really makes me a blogger again. I feel like maybe we need a whole range of new words to define people who write on the internet - because I know that there are bloggers out there who work damm hard on blogging. Bloggers that not only create a blog post but share it, publicise it, collaborate for it, charge for it, spend hours scrutinising it, that truly make an art of it. Whereas me? In comparison to those artists? I'm painting by numbers.

But I think that's ok. I think you can have a blog, without relating to being a blogger. I think the internet is big and weird enough for everyone to do their own thing. So I'm back, with no plan or schedule, or label.

I'm just writing on the internet and hoping somebody reads it x


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Hold It In Your Hearts


It's not been a good week for the world. In fact I'm not entirely sure the world has had a truly good week in years, but this week in particular has hit that fact home for many of us.

Between the politics, the results that didn't go our way, the terrifying headlines and the terrorists it's becoming harder and harder to believe the world is good, that we have evolved, that dictators, world wars and inequality will ever be a thing of the past. It's been hard to get out of bed. It's been hard to look at social media without crying. It's been hard, despite wanting to out of defiance to carry on.

The Manchester attack, feels closer and crueller than any other I've lived through, despite the fact that I was on a school trip in London on the day of 7/7. It feels rawer, more real.

I cried immediately and I've been holding back the tears ever since. I cried every time I saw a plea for a missing person and every time another name was pronounced dead. 

But I also cried every time I heard a story of heroism. Of the taxi driver offering free lifts, of the homeless man running in and holding a woman in his arms. I cried at pizzas being delivered to hospitals, at Sikhs showing solidarity at the vigil, at incredible poetry.

And I felt every tear roll down my face, soak into my chest and find a home in my heart.

Because it hasn't been a good week for the world, but the good is still there, and my biggest takeaway from this week is that I will hold every tear I've cried in my heart for as long as I can. So that the sad ones will be there when I hear of any attack happening anywhere, so that every act of terrorism feels as close to home as this one, so that I don't become immune to the cruelty of this world and so that with every heartbreaking headline, I remember the tears that came from the empathy and the good and the heroism that humanity has shown this week. 

Because that is what the world needs now, humanity and empathy and any gleam of hope that we can hold on to. Hold it all in your hearts, remember how much an attack on your doorstep hurts and feel it when it happens half away across the world and remember for every person who committed an act of evil this week there were a hundred that committed ones of love.

To everyone out there hurting this week, I am with you, but lets carry on loving this world and one another, as much as Ariana's fans love her x

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