Be Embarrassingly Honest

Monday 20 March 2017

H A P P Y  M O N D A Y ! 

I was going to start this post with an apology about writing so much lately around creativity and my process etc. but then I realised that would be stupid, because this blog is called A Cup Of Creative, and also because this post is all about being unashamedly honest.

2017 has got off to an amazing start for me freelance and creativity wise, and now I'm arriving at that sweet spot called 'hindsight' I can really appreciate it all. But actually when I've been stuck in the middle of it, it hasn't always felt that amazing. It's been pretty stressful and really really tiring actually and there was more than one occasion where I thought to myself 'why am I doing this?'

I already have a full tme job, it's in the arts, I can pay my bills. Why am I taking on extra work, and hours and stress? Because yes the extra money is nice, but that has never been what drives me And then I remember that this is what I wanted. To be paid for my writing an creativity.

And getting what you wanted, whether that is script commissions or a high powered business job should be celebrated. Difficult, but celebrated. 

Getting what you want is difficult because you have to put the work in, and pull the hours and make the sacrifices, but that's not the really hard part. The most difficult part about getting what you want? Admitting you actually want it.

When I was in my final year of university, I was absolutely flipping terrified. Day to day I was ok, and could keep 'What am I going to do next?' panics at bay, but on a Friday night, after one too many glasses of Rose I was a mess. I would cry for no reason, drink too much, and do and say things that still make me cringe to this day. I was the drunk in our group that was rightfully mocked mercilessly the next day.

I remember one night very specifically. Where there were just three of us sat in one of my best friends room drinking, and listening to music, before heading out, and I was already more drunk than the others (I'm a lightweight). It was one of those rare nights where our pre-drinks were accompanied by conversations instead of lethal card based drinking games. Now give me a drink and a chance at a conversation and I will get deep, real heart to heart stuff. And being sat next to two of my best friends, drunk, in a calm environment I decided to at least touch upon my fear of life after uni.

That makes it sound much more planned out than it was. In fact there was probably a totally different conversation going on and I just started blurting things out at random.

And one of those randomly blurted out things:

'I'm such a great writer, I just think that's what I should do'

Even typing that out now, makes me cringe, because I can hear my drunk 'being a bit of an arse' voice in my head. But here's the thing...

That was the first time I'd ever admitted out loud, to anyone, myself included that I wanted to write for a living. And even though my friends STILL mock me for boasting about how 'great a writer' I am, and even though I would never use those words to describe myself now. I wouldn't take back saying it.

Not only because that was the first time I started to really be honest with myself about what I wanted but also because being so EMBARRASSINGLY honest, meant that I was regularly reminded of it. And in some way I think being mocked by my friends for how I'd said it, and how drunk I was acted as momentum. I'd said it, I was reminded of it, and if I ever wanted that night to be a smidgen less cringe worthy I had to actually go and write

So my advice to you this week, is to be embarrassingly honest. Make yourself cringe. Dream big, HUGE. Boast and brag. Even if it is just to your mirror, because you can't get what you want if you don't admit you want it, and there is no driving power quite like embarrassment.

What I'm advising against this week:
  • drinking Rose wine
  • Following this honest conversation by drunkenly forcing your friends to look at pictures of your family for no reason
I'd love for you to get honest in the comments below! And there is no way that what you say can be more embarrassing than me on pink wine, so y'know safe space x

ps. just to clarify my friends were mocking me for being drunk/boasting/the way it came ou,t not me wanting to write, or my writing itself (which I don't think they'd ever seen at that point).

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