Morning Monday... Now that the Dust has Settled...

Monday 11 April 2016

Happy Monday everyone! She say’s in a sing song tone, as if Monday’s come around and she’s already nailed it. A tone which is a big fat lie! I didn’t get up early this morning, I didn’t pull some yoga out the bag, and bathe in water and lemon juice like all successful people do, and I didn’t skip to work, making it through the office door 5 minutes early.

Nope. This morning was a much more laid back, 'isn’t it still the weekend?' affair. But sometimes that is ok, right?

Truth is it’s been a difficult few weeks to keep my motivation up, and I know I’ve mentioned it in passing in other blog posts recently but today I thought I’d go into a little bit more detail about what exactly has been going on.

As many of you probably know, I work in the arts, in a job I love, after several years of interning, scraping, fretting and wondering what the hell I am doing-ing. After not quite 2 years at this job the funding has now run out, and in September my employment is currently set to end.

I always knew the funding might run out. That’s a risk you take working in the arts. And in many ways I’ve been lucky to last this long. Originally the funding was meant to be up in February, then it was meant to be up in May, and now I am lucky enough to have a few precious months to find something else in. I have been very, very lucky to get these extensions, and I am INCREDIBLY grateful for them.

But even these extensions have come with a downside. One of feeling in limbo. One of waiting. Waiting to hear about another bid, another project, another uncertainty. Waiting with fingers crossed and bated breath. And with every new bid, and new project, and new hope of funding, I’ve started to feel more and more like it was all out my control.

Of course there was an element of bliss to this. An element of well there’s nothing I can do about it, so ‘ll just wait and see and hope for the best. And for the first couple of months that was great. But I’ve been waiting and seeing for 5 months now, and I think it is time to say enough is enough.

The latest blow came a couple of weeks ago, when we found out my project had been unsuccessful at gaining more funding, again. Now the dust on that has begun to settle. Plans have been put on the table, and my contract has been extended to September, and things look a lot like they did after the last rejection. But this time my outlook is different. This time I can’t wait and see.

Of course I can still hope, I can still give my current job my all, and pray that one of the new plans come together, but I also have to be realistic. I have to look for a new job, and I have to tie up any loose ends that my current life may have.

I have to get the window in my flat fixed before I might have to move. I have to update my cv. I have to bookmark job advertisements and actually apply for them.

In some ways this TOTALLY sucks. Finding motivation to do these things can be hard. As anyone who has ever filled in a job application will tell you. But finding the motivation to do these things when you don’t really want to, that’s even harder.

I don’t really want a new job, I don’t want a new flat, and I don’t want my life to change. But you can’t live saying ‘but I don’t want to.’

Change will happen in some way whether you want it to or not, whether you’re expecting it to or not, and whether or not you notice it... change is happening.

I for one would like to feel like I am in control of at least SOME of that change. So now the dust has settled, my emotions have settled, and my bad habits that I’ve excused over the past couple of weeks need unsettling.

I need to start ticking things off my to do list not just adding things to the bottom of it. I need to look for new jobs and new opportunities, and embrace them with the same enthusiasm I did two years ago. And while I can put some eggs in the basket marked ‘current job will get new funding’ I also have to start placing other eggs in other baskets.

From reading other people’s blogs, I know this isn’t a position unique to me or to working in the arts and to anyone else currently in a similar situation, or even if you just need an extra bit of motivation this Monday, I can’t offer you any piece of one golden wisdom, all I can tell you is what I plan on doing.

Which is taking one thing a day, and nailing it.

So today I didn’t nail my morning routine, but I’ll be damned if I don’t get my broken window fixed this evening. 

I’ll be dammed, and cold.

Happy Monday everyone! Let me know what you plan on nailing in the comments xx

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