Take one...
8am - Woke up an hour later than I had planned, meaning there was no time to wash my hair, breakfast was jam on toast and my bag was packed in a hurry.
9am - Start work, desperately in need of coffee, even though I know I shouldn't need coffee on a morning.
12.45 - Grab lunch out. Well I say lunch it was actually just an apple and a flap jack, because there was literally nothing else I could grab and go. I should probably have just had more apples, but at least oats might pretend to keep me going.
1pm - Interview by college students. This isn't really my job, and I have a hundred and one thousand other things I could be doing.
1.30pm - Oh god walk back up to work. Should probably count this as my lunch break. Why can't I drive yet?
2pm - Back at work. Oh. God. To-do list.
4.30pm - Leave work to go and get a train to meeting about new show. So not fully prepared for this meeting. Already hungry, grab several biscuits.
5.30pm - Ok meeting, garr overwhelming amount to take in. Pretty sure I've forgotten something.
6pm - ASDA no plan, no shopping list, essentially no real money to spend, but grab something, before the train.
7pm - Right dinner. Not vegan. Am I ok with this? Is this healthy? Garrr turns out I don't have enough pasta in.
8pm - Write blog post even though I should have posted something this morning.
10pm - Go to bed fully disheartened about how much better I need to be.
If you've been reading my Morning Monday posts lately, you'll know that the above isn't even remotely like what I want my days to look like. It probably sounds a little too real to be on a blog. It probably sounds like a bad day, and if that is how I'd actually viewed yesterday, you'd be right it was a bad day. Looking at it like that by my own standards I guess I failed, and there were moments yesterday where the above is EXACTLY how I was looking at it.
But how you look at something is a choice you make. Whether a day is a good or a bad one, a failure or a success is a judgement that you call, and when the person standing in the defence is ourselves, we are all too quick to rule negatively. Being hard on ourselves is in fact the easiest thing to do.
Looking at something, yourself and your day, positively takes a lot of energy. To pick yourself up after a knock back, is hard. To tell yourself you're ok feels unnatural. And to see everything in a positive light, when everyone else is on a wave of negativity is like standing still against the waves. In fact I'd go so far as to say that choocing positivity is actually harder than making the other changes we want to make in our lives, because choosing positivity is THE change we have to make before making all the others.
But positivity doesn't have to be done in the moment, it can be done retrospectively, you can have a bad day, and go to bed with a changed mind. You can call a second take.
How yesterday looked take two...
8am - Woke up an hour later than I had planned, but at least my hair didn't actually need washing, and I had a good loaf of freshly baked bread in.
9am - Start work earlier than I normally do, with everything packed that I need for the day. Make myself a coffee because it's going to be a long day and I deserve a pick me up
12.45 - Grab lunch out. Well I say lunch it was actually just an apple and a flap jack because I wanted to make sure I was on time to my next thing, and actually, that flapjack was delicous
1pm - Interview by college students. Went really well, was nice to see the kid I met last year who couldn't stand up in front of a group of his friends, directing a camera
1.30pm - Ok walk back up to work. I'm definitely getting my steps in today, and the weather is gorgeous, at least I have time to clear my head before the rest of the afternoon.
2pm - back at work. Wow my to-do list is full, but at least I have a to do list, and actually it is full of stuff I want to do even if they are a bit overwhelming on paper.
4.30pm - Leave work to go and get a train to meeting about new show. Not entirely sure what to expect from the meeting, but plenty of time to think it through on the walk to the station. Yum, these Canadian cookies are good.
5.30pm - Ok meeting, wow I've chosen a really deep and complicated topic for this new show. Well the idea was to challenge myself, and they were super keen to get on board.
6pm - ASDA no plan, no shopping list, essentially no real money to spend, but actually manage to get enough for the rest of the week, and plenty of fruit.
7pm - Right dinner. Not vegan. Am I ok with this? Lets just try it, shall we for a week and if we feel unhealthy we can always change back. Ooops not enough pasta in, oh well I'll use brown spaghetti instead, actually healthier.
8pm - Write blog post about something I actually feel is worth saying, rather than rushing to get something up this morning.
10pm - Go to bed, knowing that today wasn't quite right, but that tomorrow is a new day and it's always just one step at a time.
In neither of these takes am I perfect. I still make the same mistakes, I still have the same improvements to focus on going forward, but choosing to see my day positively, to focus on what went right, and not just what went wrong, makes the changes I have to make, and the mountain I have to climb much more manageable.
Because life is still about the climb. About seeing the route ahead of you, as well as acknowledging the path you've left behind you, and on your climb, you'll come across, obstacles, slip backs, and you'll get stones in your shoes, but mental exhaustion is just as debilitating as physical exhaustion is, and while being negative on yourself might seem like the easier choice to make, it's ultimately only going to tire you out sooner.
Live life & take a second look x
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