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friday | lets have a proper catch up shall we...

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Happy Friday everyone! How are you?

I feel like it's a while since we had a proper catch up, and I think that may well be one of the reasons I feel a little disconnected from all things blogging lately. So pick your favourite brew of the moment (I'm on hot water, with lemon and ginger because I desperately want to believe it's the magical potion everyone says it is), or even better a glass of Sangria, and lets chat.

I can't help but feel a bit restless at the moment. Some lovely happy things are happening in my life but there is also a bunch of other stuff playing on my mind.

First of all I've taken on a big old project at work, and it is scary. Scary in a good way. In a I've never done this before but lets give it a go kind of way. This is great but on top of all the normal stuff I have to do at work, lets just say my morning routine has gone out of the window, and my middle of the night routine has become, sleep, dream somewthing weird, wake up and write down at least several things I can't risk forgetting by morning.

Not only that but it's nearly a year since I moved (51 weeks if anyone was counting) and that's leading to me doing a lot of reflecting on everything that has happened but also a lot of looking forward and seeing a possible end to what my life currently looks like and not enough clues as to what my life might look like in 6 months time.

In 6 months this job could come to an end. That's a reality I have to face, and facing that reality means coming up with a plan b and making some decisions like, what do I want my next job to be and where do I want it to be, and what do I do if there is a gap between one life ending and another beginning.

Which leads me on to money. If there is a gap I will need money, so I should start saving right? But here's the thing, I don't earn that much as it is, plus like everyone I have a credit card bill to keep on top of, and I have a holiday in October to pay for, and I you know, have a life to live and get on with. Here's just one example of a catch 22, going forward I'm going to need to know how to drive,, but learning to drive takes money alot of money. So do I save in the worry that I will need that money or do I spend that money in the hope that learning to drive will make the next step of my life that bit smoother?

Plus, I don't want to end up in a dark and twisty lonely place again. Which for the past fortnight I've not been on the brink of exactly, but in a bid to save money my life has very much resembled what it looked like back in December. Too many nights on the sofa watching netflix (no I'm not cancelling my subscription I don't care how much I need to save money). Which means not having gone to Manchester to see friends very much lately, so I'm feeling massively out of the loop with them, and even though I talk to my best friend every day, this is the longest we've ever gone without seeing one another, and boy am I beginning to feel it, so if anyone wants to gift me a train ticket to London that would be ideal!

Doesn't that all sound like a real good whinge? I'm sorry, I'm no where near as deep into my self pitty pool as all that would suggest! Despite having one too many nights in, I'm still going out running, and my weekends have been dotted with company. Quality over quantity company.

All this thinking has meant spending a lot of time in my own head, and I am slowly working through it all with a good prescription of 'calm down and take a deep breath' but that's where I am in life right now. Full of excitement for things that are happening and may happen but also very aware of the stress, hard work and money that it takes to make those happenings happen.

How are you all? I feel like there is something in the air at the moment which means I'm not alone in suffering with a cluttered brain?

Live life & get it off your chest every now and then x

12 comments

  1. I'm also on the warm water and lemon this morning! Do you think it actually works? I don't even mind too much if it doesn't - it taste good at least! I can also completely empathise about feeling a bit lost at the moment, for the first time in my life I don't know what my next step will be and it's a weird feeling. Still, like you said there are also a lot of really lovely things happening, so I'm very grateful overall. I think I just need to make some plans to look forward to and make a summer bucket list so I've got lots of little goals and fun things to achieve. Alice xxx

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  2. You are definitely not alone, Stephie! My head is all over the show at the moment and it seems as if no matter what I do it doesn't become any clearer. And what's frustrating is I don't know what to do to make it clearer! I think sometimes getting it all down in the written word really helps, so I'm glad you did that today. I also bet running is doing you good - what a great way to just escape from everything :)

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  3. I think that there is definitely something in the air lately, my mind also feels a bit disorientated and all around the place. Maybe we could also blame the twenties, it's a stressful area. I made some huge life changes lately and I think I haven't quite realized what effect it will have on me in the future (or maybe I am trying to avoid thinking about that). And it scares me. But still, I think maybe the problem is that we worry to much. In most cases, everything falls into place sooner or later, and the thinks are just as they should be, even if we don't realize that at the moment. Sometimes, life just takes us to places where we should be and makes us the person we want to be. :) xx

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  4. Definitely. I'm in a position in which I have a job that I enjoy but takes up a lot of time (and doesn't pay as much as I like) it's fine, but it's not what I want to do. I've also got some theatre stuff going on which is very exciting (also doesn't pay as much as I'd like) and when you combine the two I get very confused and don't know what I'm meant to be doing next or how to do all of it and don't feel like I ever have the time to sit down and organise myself. At the minute it's just a headlong hurtle though life hoping to land on something for a bit so I can sort myself out. That's pretty much what you were saying right?

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  5. Thanks for this post, Stephie. It feels like this is exactly what I needed today - to see I'm not alone feeling this kind of uncertainty about my life. However, I think as long as you have any goals in your life, you'll be alright. So I can only wish you good luck in finding out what those goals are for you (or believe in them more if you already have them). :)

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  6. I think the warm water and lemon would work much better if I also put into place any of my other healthy routines, unfortunately at the moment they have seriously slipped! I think we can get so caught up looking too far into the future that we forget that between here and there is just a series of smaller steps. If we can plan one or two of those foot holes I think we'll be ok! xx

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  7. I think over the past couple of weeks, my posts have been a series of getting out what's in my head down into words, it does finally feel like it is coming together a bit more. It's so difficult though, when all you can see is where you want to be in 6 months time, but not the path between here and there. That's what I really need right now, a detailed route mapped out! xx

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  8. In the past, I've found that atually planning the big life changes feels a lot more terrifying than actually making them is. It's almost a bit of an anti climax, because in your head you've thought out every dreadful possibility that could happen, and then when actually none of those terrible things come to fruition, and it's all fairly plain sailing, it makes us feel a bit disorientated. Like we're still waiting for the other foot to drop. I know that is definitely how I felt when it came to quitting my job and leaving Manchester 2 years ago. I spent months agonising over it, and then it all happened in one weekend, and that was that!

    I think you're quite right, every now and then we just have to enjoy the ride xx

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  9. Yeah something like that! I think what I've been doing lately is looking to try and plan too far forward rather than just going, actually I need to stop and sit down and think about the smaller steps I need to take between here and now. I don't even think I need ALL OF THE ANSWERS, I just need to feel like while I'm hurtling along, I at least got to set the coordinates! xx

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  10. Hi Amila, oh believe you and me, you are never alone in feeling uncertain, and it is those people that think they are completely certain of their path, that find themselves the most lost. It's better to put on cautious foot forward in a direction you're uncertain about, than take a giant leap into one you've not really given much thought too. At least that way you don't have too far to reverse, should you need to!

    Hope you're feeling a little less off balance today xx

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  11. Absolutely. To at least me aware and maybe have a tiny bit of control over where you're hurling to.

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