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the bloggers food diary: girls on girls...

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If there is one thing you should know about me it is this.

I don't make a habit of wearing dresses quite as revealing as the above.

The other thing you should know about me is that sometimes when I drink, I cry. And it tends to be about my insecurities over how I look. Before reading the following, you should keep this in mind.

Today I want to talk about the way girls can treat girls.

Here in the blogging community and on the Bloggers Food Diary, it is easy to forget that not every girl out there comes across as amazing, supportive and lovely. Some girls can be down right mean. As of course are some guys, however, I don't know about you but I find, when it comes to our insecurities, harsh comments always hurt more when they come from another girl than they do when they come from a guy. Because we expect girls to understand.

On Saturday night, as I already mentioned, I was wearing a dress a little more revealing than I normally would, I went for bigger hair than usual, and my lipstick was a little brighter. I've been doing really well recently with fighting my insecure thoughts, and even though I'd probably eaten enough calories in London to feed a small army I felt good. I felt happy.

We headed down the stairs to a very cool cocktail basement and were shown to some stools at the bar.

I'm not elegant at the best of times, and a gin or two had already been drunk, so when I climbed up on my seat I accidentally brushed up against the girl next to me. And it was a brush, not a knock. I'd had a gin, but of this much I am sure.

Her reaction was to give me a dirty look and make a nasty comment to her friend. I was mortified, I couldn't believe it, I hadn't even really heard what she had said, but it was enough to send my insecurities rush through my body, straight to by tear-ducts.

Here is the thing. In all honesty I dress for girls not guys, I expect girls to notice the smaller things, and a compliment from a girl always means more than from a guy (unless of course I really really like him). This is probably because I assume that most girls have the same high standards for themselves as I do, so if a girl compliments me, I can tell myself that I have met my own standards, and that I should stop being so hard on myself. I also expect girls to understand, that we've all been there, stood infront of the mirror and thinking 'do I look ok?'

So if a girl is that outrightly mean? It hurts in a way a guys comment never could.

It takes me back to being 14 and bullied by the 'cool' group. It makes me feel lost and confused and like I'm completely out of place. It makes me feel as insecure as a teenager. Like I don't know or understand my body and that it has betrayed me.

It is completely disorientating. It makes me question myself and everything I know.

And then I realise, I can be bitchy. I'm not proud of it but I can be. And I can't excuse or justify it. And now that I have felt the brunt of it in full force, as a grown up and not as a school girl, I'm downright ashamed.

I hope you can tell from my blog and my posts that I champion women and everything they can do. Women are more than their looks, their figures, the shoes they are wearing. And yet I have still been guilty of saying 'Did you see what that girl was wearing?'

We are our own harshest critics, the things we've probably thought about ourselves when we are in an oversized jumper, no make up, and our hair scraped back, are probably crueler than any comment a stranger makes. Those two girls in the bar on Saturday night, didn't look like they were having a good time, maybe they were concious about their hair, maybe they had broken up with some one recently, maybe they had had an arguement and looking for something to bond over. I don't know where their mean comment about me came from, but I'm not going to reiterate, instead I'm going to remind myself that the comment she made about me, probably isn't as mean as the ones she has made about herself in the past.

So the next time I think 'What is she wearing?' I'm going to keep it to myself, the age old mantra of 'you deserve the love you give to others' is equally as true as 'others don't deserve the hate you give yourself' and if we can live in a world where those two things meet in perfect harmony, we might just all start feeling a little better. Wouldn't it be good if every time we thought a mean thing about someone we counteracted it with a nice one about them? Wouldn't it be good if we also applied that to ourselves?

Live life & remember girls, really are, the best x

 

8 comments

  1. I do so hate how girls are so harsh on each other, we are all guilty of it but it really makes me sad. I think it makes me suspicious of women as a whole and I tend to automatically assume that they are judging me. I think that women are quite competitive with each other especially over the way we look and we can take our own insecurities out on each other. Just remember that girl is the one with issues and not you! xxx

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  2. I definitely believe that when people are cruel, rude, or judgmental towards others, it only comes from an insecure part of themselves. However, it is hard not to take these things personally, when you're on the receiving end! It's definitely good advice to keep in check of what you yourself are putting out there, whether it's verbally or internally and question why you feel that negativity. It's important to put good words and good vibes out there, otherwise we're merely circulating the negativity and that's not good for anyone, least of all ourselves. xx

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  3. Girls can be so cruel and so nasty :( I wish so so much that all girls supported each other and it's such a shame that's not the case. You are so right though, I think girls are harsh on each other because they are harsh on themselves. This post makes a lot of sense!

    Chloe x
    newgirlintoon.co.uk

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  4. It is so true though! I would never dream of upsetting someone the way that girl upset me, and here I am running a bloggers food diary, promoting healthy body image, yet I KNOW in the past I have whispered to a friend or looked at some one twice just because I wouldn't necessarily have worn that

    We are always going to have opinions and knee jerk reactions, I think it is just being wary of where those responses are really coming from.

    I'm not sure I have the answer to alot of the problems and questions that we face as a whole, but acknowledging a problem is the first step to solving it!
    xx

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  5. I couldn't agree more! Sometimes when I catch myself in these situations I have to think what would 'blogger me' do. I would never sit down and think about hurting or upsetting some one, I'd never troll some one, or write a scathing post. I won't even give a cafe a bad review on here, and yet when we are out in the real world, and we aren't thinking about our responses to things, they almost come out be default as negative.

    I guess we just have to try and catch ourselves as often as we can, negativity is almost always a form of defence, and if we can acknowledge that we can start to solve it xx

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  6. It is almost as if by saying we are 'all in this together' subconciously we all say 'we're all in competition.'

    I know I very often have that mentality of, who is better dressed, how can I get them to take me seriously etc.

    It is that age old thing of society and media constructs. I don't know how we break it, but I guess you have to be the change you want to see in the world. Kill it with kindness! xxx

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  7. I saw a thing in insta recently saying we should all treat each other like we do in the ladies toilets on a night out ... essentially tell everyone they're fabulous!! What a confidence boost that would be to the ladies of this world!

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  8. That is so true! The other week I was having a bit of an episode in the bathroom of a bar, and this LOVELY and stunning woman was so nice, it was like having a fairy godmother/temporary big sister! x

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