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minefields...

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So remember that health kick I'm on, and how bright and perky and in love with running I've become?

It hasn't been easy.

Today I want to talk to you about personal minefields, those things that we accidentally stumble on, that blow our confidence to smithereens.

I am probably more outwardly confident than most people, I'm not shy, I can stand on stage in front of hundreds of people and tell them about having my heart broken, I am pretty open to sharing my life, here there and everywhere. But this doesn't mean I am confident in all aspects of my life. I think of it as being self aware. I know what I am good at, I know what makes me happy and I know what I am willing to tell, and those are the things that I do.

I am also very aware of some other things.

I am aware that I am tall, and a little soft around the edges. I am aware that my laugh can be irritating and my voice is high pitched. I am aware of the size of my nose.

I like most people have my insecurities, my off days, the things that I don't like about myself. But, for the most part, I choose not to let these things bother me, I focus on the good, the positive and the happy.

However sometimes you can be wandering around chirpy as anything, totally unaware that your about to step on a minefield.

Getting healthy has been a bit like this for me.

For a start when you decide to diet/get healthy you are acknowledging that you want to make a change. This is empowering and what drives you on,but it also takes away that ignorance is bliss blanket you've been hiding under. Now you know what that number on the scales is, you know where that chocolate cake is going and you know what you are happy with.

When my will power is soaring and the numbers on the scales are falling this is brilliant, but when I accidentally find a biscuit in my mouth and some one points it out, then BOOM.

What am I doing?!? I'm meant to be dieting... And I'm dieting because I want to loose weight... And I want to loose weight because I am... What?... Fat... Oh god am I fat? Are people looking at me thinking look at the chubster with a biscuit in her mouth? Is that why that person pointed it out?


It is irrational, illogical, insecure and even a dangerous thought process to go through, but it happens.

I think reading other peoples blogs and writing my own, it is very easy to paint and believe that we all have magical lifestyles. But we don't, we are all human, not wizards.

So I wanted to share with you my minefields, expose them, in the hope that you'll start to recognise your own. Confidence and Insecurity can all come down to self awareness after all...

Things that make me go boom...

1. Somebody commenting "aren't you meant to be dieting"

2. Somebody not commenting about me having lost weight since I last saw them.

3. A dress not fitting in a shop

4. Calorie counting (sorry I just can't...)

5. Advice and facts that are the opposite to what other advice and facts say (I'm confused, carbs, are they a yes or a no? Is it pointless to eat a tomato if it isn't organic?)

6. Other people doing better than me (there I said it, we get jealous and we compare, let's not pretend)

7. A bad photo or reflection

8. Realising you had a "naughty" day

When you put them down on paper (or blog) it seems a bit daft that these are the things that can make or break your day and confidence doesn't it? I'm not sure what the trick is to avoiding these minefields, after all they lay hidden, but I reckon you can recover a lot quicker if you are aware of just how weak that explosive really is.

What are your personal minefields? How do you keep your confidence up? Live life & drink tea X

PS. Serious lack of pictures in this post I know, but in the spirit of trying not to gloss over things I thought it would be best to let the words do the talking!

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